GOD IS LOVE, I AM NOT by Christina Calvache
Updated: Feb 19, 2018
God is love, He loved the world so much He sent his only Son, His love is unconditional… Early on in my walk with the Lord, I knew He loved me. Not only did I read about it throughout the Bible, I learned of His love at church, listening to Christian radio, and through endless inspirational books and devotionals. As I began worshipping him in spirit and in truth (John 4:24), I quickly realized the truth. I DIDN’T LOVE HIM! (Mind you, this was a VERY long time ago). My heart became heavy and I felt like such a hypocrite. Here I was in church, singing about loving the Lord, yet I knew I did not. Every time I said, “I love you Lord,” I was just saying it.
Honestly, this was such a great time in my life. Knowing I was supposed to love God, but didn’t. only drew me closer to Him. I became real with the God who knew me better than I know myself (psalm 139:16).
I arrived at a turning point in learning how to love God when I said, “Lord I want to love you, but I don’t, I want to know you, but I don’t”. I had a revelation about the difference between knowing about God and having a relationship with God. I began to experiment and started to acknowledge His presence wherever I went. Prayer was no longer reserved for a certain time of the day, but became a continual interaction with the Great I Am. I walked and talked to Him saying things like, “I know You died for me back then, but I need reasons to love You now”. Naturally when you spend much time with someone, you begin to have a real relationship with them as well as feelings for them.
A church friend I confided in advised me to search the Word of God and study the character of God to know Him better, because, He doesn’t change (Malachi 3:6). If I knew His character, it would be easier for me to recognize Him in my world. If I learned the way He interacted with people, then maybe I would start seeing more of His interactions with me. Take a look at his character, see how these names of God apply in your life. How can you not love Him?
Sadly, people love conditionally. Recognizing that God gives me peace, comfort, protection, guidance, defense, wisdom and so much more, are enough conditions for me. I still see how God interacts with my every day and it makes me love Him more and more.
In Mark 12:30, Jesus reminds us to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength. This is the first commandment.” We were not created to love the Lord conditionally, we were created to love him totally and for our own benefit. Maybe you’re carefree as I was when I was younger. Maybe you’ve had it rough. But if you’re having a hard time truly loving the Lord, I urge you to go and meet him halfway. "We love Him because He first loved us." (1John 4:19)